


Battles on the Homefront

by whiteraven1606



Series: Loosely Connected [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Teambuilding, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 17:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteraven1606/pseuds/whiteraven1606
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has trouble with his reactions to various things. The flashbacks aren't helping either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battles on the Homefront

**Author's Note:**

> This is prompt fill for: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/13316.html?thread=30522372#t30522372
> 
> As a fromer soldier, I'll tell you that for a lot of my squad it wasn't right at first after getting home that they had the most trouble. It is when they started to really relax months or even years later. Right when they got home they were very careful of themselves. They'd had training about how they might react to home life. They watched themselves closely. Later, after they thought 'oh, I really am home' did the shit hit the fan.
> 
> So, this is one place I do differ from the prompt. I set it later in Steve living with the others than the prompt asked for.

****

The modern world made Steve tired a lot of the time. Everyone was rushing to the limit. They just had faster ways of rushing then he remembered. 

Steve touched the pad for normal black coffee and watched the little machine dispense it. He held himself tightly still as Bruce passed behind him to get to the fridge. "Morning."

"Morning." Bruce knuckled his eye as he opened the fridge door. "Okay?"

Steve glanced at him and then pulled his coffee cup from the machine's holder. Sometimes, Steve wondered if Bruce's brain wasn't all the way engaged until after breakfast. "I'm alright." He frowned as Bruce stared at the food in the fridge. "Doctor?"

Bruce blinked, straightened up, and took out the bacon. "Sorry."

Steve took his coffee to the barstool at the end of the counter. He touched the surface screen to get the news to come up. "Nothing to be sorry for."

Bruce shrugged and sat the bacon down on the counter. He turned and touched the coffee machine to get his own cup. "Still." He turned back to the bacon and frowned before picking it up and putting it back into the fridge. "You're getting a late start."

Steve flicked through the headlines looking for something that wasn't death, exaggeration, or politics. "Slept really well last night."

"That's good, right?" Bruce brought his coffee cup over and sat down next to him.

Steve shrugged and picked a news story about the weather. "I suppose. It wasn't what I've gotten used to is all."

Bruce got up and went to the fridge. "Not what you are used to? What, nightmares?"

Steve watched Bruce take the bacon out and set it on the counter again. "Sometimes."

With a nod, Bruce got out a pan and set it on the stove before turning towards Steve. "That can be hard."

Steve resisted the urge to ask Bruce if he got Hulk-induced nightmares as Bruce put the bacon back into the fridge. "How are you this morning?"

Bruce came back to his seat. "I'm good, actually."

Steve put his hand on Bruce's shoulder as he started to get back up. "Sit and sort news for me to read. I'll cook us some breakfast."

Bruce grinned. "Alright."

Steve cooked the bacon and held himself rigid every time if popped. He tilted his head just enough to keep an eye on Bruce, but the popping didn't seem to do much more than make Bruce put on his glasses, but that could have been for his reading. Steve wondered sometimes if Bruce needed the glasses or not he took them off and put them on so often. Steve turned back to the pan as the bacon started to curl.

****

Steve knew Clint liked the air vents. He knew that Clint liked to prank people. He kept it in mind every time he went under a vent opening. He still wasn't sure when Clint had decided he could pull pranks on Steve, because he hadn't done it before. He thought maybe it had been after Clint had admitted to having migraines sometimes.

In any case, Steve knew Clint did these things, so how had he managed to end up with Clint wide-eyed under Steve's hand wrapped around Clint's throat?

Steve let go in a flash and backed away until he hit the opposite wall. He flinched from that and turned, continuing to back away. "Sorry, sorry. I...sorry."

Clint stared after him, rubbing at the side of his neck. "Cap?" His voice was a little raspy.

Steve thought he was going to burst into tears. He fled clear to his room and locked all the locks on his door, then on his bedroom door, and then on the ensuite bathroom. He huddled in the bottom of the shower room area on a towel with another towel wrapped around himself, clothes and all.

Towels, heck, they were sheets made out of fine terry cloth. Steve wrapped it around himself tighter.

****

Steve was really careful after that. He made sure his shield was a step or more out of reach anywhere in the Tower, near, but far enough away Steve couldn't get to it before he had a chance to think. He smiled gamefully the next time Clint so much as peeked out of a vent. Clint seemed to take it in stride and was still his bouncy, attention needing self around Steve.

It was the elevator that got Steve the next time. He was always careful about listening for the chime. Making sure he knew the doors were opening or closing. That he was stepped back away from the doors so he'd know who was in the elevator before they could step out.

He didn't hear the chime. Maybe it hadn't happened, but he didn't _hear_ it and someone...enemy...came at him from it. Steve didn't have time, he swept them around to throw them, but another person...fast enemy...pulled on his free arm and kept Steve from getting much power into his throw.

"Shit."

Steve blinked and stared at Tony sprawled along the far wall. He took a heaving breathe and looked at Logan holding onto the arm he hadn't been holding his...enemy...Tony with. Steve jerked his arm from Logan's tight grasp.

On the floor, Tony sat up and rubbed at his shoulder. "Look, Capsicle, if you don't want me to touch you..."

Steve _couldn't_ listen to the rest. He turned and fled into the fire escape stairwell. He went down all the flights and out into the service tunnel that connected the Tower to the rest of the city's underground. Steve got to the end of the tunnel and palmed the pad thing for access.

"Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark requests you return to the Tower."

Steve pulled his phone from his pocket, where JARVIS' voice was coming from. "Tell him I'm sorry, would you?"

"Of course, Captain. May I help direct you back to the Tower?"

Steve knew where the damn Tower was. "No. Let me through this door, please."

There was a moment where Steve thought JARVIS was going to insist, but then the door lock clicked and Steve pushed through into the service tunnel beyond.

****

Steve didn't go far from the door. He sat down in the dingy tunnel on an empty crate and rubbed at his face. "I know where I am, so what's wrong with me?"

He looked down at his phone. "JARVIS?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Can you look for something for me without telling Tony?"

"I would not inform Mr. Stark of your search queries unless it was to prevent bodily harm to yourself."

Steve frowned. "Alright, I suppose." He tapped the icon for the everything information. It opened up to the search line and Steve told it his question.

The screen gave him the results and Steve blinked. "There's so many names now."

"Shell shock has been more effectively documented, though treatment remains spotty."

Steve scrolled down the list. He hovered his finger over a link. "Is this one a trusted source?"

"I believe that will be of benefit to you, Captain. Yes, it is a trusted source."

Steve touched the link and began to read.

****

Knowing the new... _not new, modern, say modern, Steve_...name for something didn't actually help him much. He still flinched. He still had to force himself not to smack people, or gah, pull people out of the line of fire when something popped too much like a shot being fired.

Steve could tell he was getting worse. It felt worse at least. 

He covered Phil into a corner when the movie on in the kitchen on the other side of the wall from the hallway they were in had very loud realistic sounding machine gun fire.

He had forgotten to back off his strength and gave Thor a black-eye with his shield while sparring.

He managed to startle Bruce when he had a flashback... _that is what they are called now, Steve, remember to use the right word for it_...so badly that Bruce's skin had tinged green for several moments. Steve had backed away, apologizing, anxious that he would have to try to deal with the Hulk in the middle of seeing gunfire and mortar rounds hitting overlaying the actual world.

Steve thought maybe that had been the breaking point.

****

He hid himself in his rooms with the doors locked so he couldn't hurt anyone. He worked on breathing through clips of gunfire he had JARVIS play. He set random alarms and then tried to not flinch or jump when they went off.

Steve marked down every failure and every victory in his log book. He frowned at the uneven columns. It was movie night and his team needed him. Steve got up to change clothes.

****

Movie night ended up on hold because they got a call. It was a small time quack that was more of a nuisance than anything. Steve usually wouldn't have had the Hulk out for it, but they'd been giving the Hulk even teambuilding time with Bruce on team actives and it had been the Hulk's night.

Steve dropped down beside the guy...kid really, and restrained him. "Sir, please, surrender so that no one..." There was a bright flash.

Steve could hear yelling over his fists hitting flesh. He blinked, pausing, and Logan tackled him. Then Steve was staring up at the Hulk looking worried, holding down one of Steve's shoulders, Logan on the other arm, and Natasha _sitting_ on his thighs. "What?"

Tony leaned in behind Natasha with his face plate up. "You back? Awake yet, Steve?"

Steve blinked and curled in on himself.

****

Hulk wasn't sure why Starman hid his face and wouldn't move. Hulk looked to Spaceman because he could tell Hulk reasons.

Spaceman looked worried. "Steve?"

Hulk blinked. Starman was never 'Steve' in battle, he was 'Cap' or 'Captain.' Hulk could smell guilt and unhappy on Starman like a blanket. Hulk gently pushed, he'd now knew to always be careful with Redhair Lair, off Starman's legs. "Hulk fix."

"Uh..." Spaceman started to raise his hand, but Hulk had Starman and Starman's shield so he didn't wait.

Hulk knew his maps. He knew Tower was _there_ and he went home. Starman wasn't right, he didn't even tell Hulk no smash building sides. Starman was broken.

****

Tony watched Hulk bound away. "Well, shit." He glanced at the stupid kid that had blown a flash bomb in Steve's face laying on the pavement while the EMT's worked to stabilize him. "Black Widow, stick with the stupid kid. Logan, you and Clint head back to the Tower."

They nodded. Tony clomped over to Thor, who was looking confused. "On Asgard do you ever get warriors that have trouble adjusting to not fighting? Or that confuse home-life with fighting sometimes?"

Thor looked down at Mjolnir in his hands. "There is an affliction such as you describe. We have no simple cure for it."

"Yeah, we don't either and I'm pretty sure Steve's got it."

Thor nodded. "So it would appear."

Tony jerked his thumb towards the Tower. "I'm going fly the route Hulk took and mark the damage. Can you handle clean up here?"

Thor nodded.

Tony clapped him on the shoulder like Steve normally would and then took off towards the Tower.

****

Clint approached Hulk carefully. He had taken Steve into the big living room they watched movies in and was huddled in the far corner with Steve tucked in his lap. "Hulk?"

Hulk lifted his head, but didn't move his hands enough for Clint to get a look at Steve. "Shooty Cupid help fix Starman?"

Clint eased closer and tried to see Steve's face, but he still had his hands up. "I'm here to help, Big Buy. Hey, Steve."

Steve curled a little tighter and sobbed. Hulk rumbled out a worried growl noise and Clint patted Hulk on the arm.

"Okay, Big Guy, I know you want to fix things, but for this I think we're going to need Bruce."

Hulk peered anxiously down at Steve. "Starman leaking."

"He's crying. It's just a reaction, Hulk."

Hulk huffed and looked at Clint. "Puny Bruce better fix?"

"Well, no. It isn't..." Clint frowned and patted Hulk's arm again. "I think you did awesome, Buddy. Tony will think you did awesome too. Right now Steve needs to get out of his battle gear and Bruce's hands are more suited to that. I promise you it will help to give us Bruce, okay?"

Hulk nodded, tucked Steve up closer to his chest and turned more towards the wall.

****

Steve didn't want to uncurl. He didn't want to do anything right then. It was horrible, the idea that he had just _lost time_ like that and come to...killing someone. He sobbed and didn't really listen to whoever... _Clint_ , his mind supplied...was trying to talk Hulk down.

Hulk curled and turned, tucking his face in next to the side of Steve's head. "Hulk know Banner understand." He touched his big nose to the side of Steve's cowl. "Promise talk to Banner."

Steve sniffed and nodded slightly. Hulk blew out a huff that made Steve blink behind his hands from the force of the airflow and then Hulk uncurled.

Seconds later, Steve was pushing himself to the side so he wasn't on top of Bruce's body.

****

Clint narrowed his eyes when Hulk said 'Banner' because Hulk hadn't used that to refer to Bruce before. Then, when Bruce came awake and didn't ask any of his normal questions, Clint really started to worry.

Bruce stood, pulled Steve in to lean against his leg, and turned his head towards Clint. "Could you get a good thick blanket, some coffee in a cup with a lid, and find my glasses, please?"

Clint fished glasses out of the compartment on his quiver and handed them over. "I'll be right back with the rest." He turned, met Logan in the doorway, grabbed his arm, and headed them both off to get what Bruce wanted.

Bruce tucked the glasses on his nose and sat down next to Steve.

****

"Steve."

Steve stayed where he was, blinking at the traces of blood he could see on the palms of his gloves. Beside him, Bruce shifted and then he was pressing all along one side of Steve's body as they sat together against the wall.

"He's right. I get it."

Steve sniffed. "What?"

"The whole thing." Bruce sighed. "We're a team, right?"

Steve had to drop his hands at that because Bruce always needed reassured they really were a team. "Yes."

Bruce had his head partway bent and was looking up at Steve through his eyelashes. "I'm going to guess you've done some research after the time you gave Thor a black eye on accident?"

"After I tried to put Tony through a wall, actually."

Bruce nodded. "Okay. So you've, what? Been trying to deal with it on your own. I get that." Bruce nodded and he took his glasses off. He started the hand wringing motion he sometimes did. "Thing is...This? Us, the team? We're here too."

Steve blinked and swiped at his wet cheeks. Clint approached with tissues and coffee. He had a thick fleece blanket over one arm. "Right."

Bruce stripped Steve's gloves right off of him and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. He pushed at the edge of the cowl. "Take this off."

Steve pushed it up and off. He took the cup of coffee from Clint and sipped before having to sniff hard to try to clear his throat and nose. "Thanks."

Bruce gave him that weak smile he so often used. "We aren't going anywhere, Steve. You're having trouble right now, but it isn't the end of your world."

Steve snorted. "It feels like it."

Tony came in, looking tired, and stood behind Clint. "The ass that scared the crap out of you is going to recover."

Steve felt his face heating up. "That's...that's good."

Bruce looked at Tony and the next thing Steve knew Tony was pressing in on his other side.

"Cap, JARVIS isn't the only one that can help you."

"He said he wouldn't tell you my search queries."

Tony cocked his head. "He didn't. Thing is, JARVIS is worried about you. He asked me to name a threshold number for flashbacks before he sought outside help for the person. It wasn't a long shot to know it either had to be you, Logan, or Bruce. Logan doesn't get them that often. Bruce was five feet away through a glass wall smiling at something and you were still hiding in your rooms. It didn't take me long to decide who JARVIS was alluding to."

Steve looked down at his feet. "I should take myself off the team."

"Really? Because you overreacted to a flash bomb to the face?" Tony tapped his arc reactor in his chest. "I overreact to water on my face. Clint has a thing about blue that's close to the cube's color. Bruce has more things than I want to even start listing. Natasha still won't touch the Big Guy. Do I need to go on?"

Steve swallowed and Bruce put his hand on Steve's arm.

"Steve." Bruce waited until Steve turned his head. "What Tony means is if we went by flashbacks or triggers for putting people off the team there wouldn't be a team at all."

"I'm a danger."

Tony rolled his eyes and pushed up. "Bruce and I have had this discussion. Bruce, you tell him what I said to you."

Bruce chuckled. "Do I include the part about you getting hit by a car?"

Tony smiled.

Steve looked between them as he frowned. "Hit by a car? When was this?"

Clint shook his head. "Calm down, Cap, it was a Hot-Wheels car."

"A what?"

****

Steve didn't feel like he was getting better, but everyone, even Coulson, said so. He did know that he'd taught himself how to not react to Clint from the ceilings. And how to ignore the little dings or chimes that still sounded like the warnings of mines and grenades being primed.

With Natasha's help, Steve had learned how to tell the tiny difference between recorded gunfire and live fire. Everyone else learned how to talk him down from the sort of flashbacks where he'd try to protect the other person with his own body.

He still occasionally gave Thor a black eye, though.

****


End file.
